Back in my dating days, I kept company with a certain young woman who quite impressed me. I met her at her apartment preparatory to going to dinner. Just as we were about to leave, she got a phone call, which she took in another room. When she came back she was shaking her head.
“That was an old boyfriend calling to see when we could get together,” she said. “I don’t know how to tell him I don’t want to see him any more.”
“Don’t tell him,” I said. I knew everything back then. “Just say, ‘this week doesn’t look good. Give me a call next Saturday.’ And when he calls next Saturday, tell him the same thing. Eventually he’ll get the picture.”
We went out that night, and several other nights. I was getting to be quite comfortable. Then, one night, I gave her a call to check out her availability.
“This week doesn’t look good,” she said. “Give me a call next Saturday.”
Ah, but sometimes it gets trickier than that. You’re living together; you’ve met each other’s families; you’ve made sacrifices for each other — moved, taken jobs you don’t like, the works. That’s when you need to call in a professional to do the break-up for you.
Inspired by this NPR interview with professional break-up stand-in Jonathan Kiekbusch, first-time playwright Leigh Giangreco has crafted a determined, if a little heavy-handed, romantic comedy called Heartbreak Hitman. Like Kiekbusch, Jon (Walter Riddle) has lost his job and his sweet patootie (Margot Trouve) in rapid succession. Like Kiekebusch, Jon discovers that he has a special gift when he helps his buddy Sam (Jeronique Bartley) break up with her girlfriend (Katie Kramer). And when he finds no fit between his certified skills (he was a French Literature major) and the job market, he decides to forge a niche market for his newly-discovered ability.
This being a romantic comedy, he must then form an edgy Tom Hanks-Meg Ryan relationship with the fearless Washington Post (digital version) reporter Jo (Jasmine Jones). Jo is already in relationship with the arrogant, aloof Asher (Will MacLeod), who appears to be a professional ne’er-do-well. Together, Jo and Asher constitute Washington’s # 2 power couple (there is apparently a list).
It is not a very satisfactory relationship, requiring them to schedule sex on their calendar and send each other Google alerts when the time is nigh. Eventually, Asher concludes that their connection must come to an end, and, since he himself is too busy to do the breakup, he engages Jon for the job. You can more or less guess the rest.
“I chose to set Heartbreak Hitman here because I always thought D.C. has gotten the short end of the stick when it comes to rom-coms compared to New York,” Giangreco writes in the program notes. “I sought out the peculiar quirks that make DC. such a romantic and vibrant city.” The show is unquestionably DC-centric, but hardly romanticizes the place; the characters, save for Jon and Jo, are relentless suck-ups who are in love with themselves and their careers, and live to network. There are a few really witty lines about DC’s young professionals — I won’t share them here — but a fair portion of the jokes fall flat.
And there is one horrible economic blooper: the Hitman charges only $50 a hit, which means that he would have to do two hits a day, seven days a week, to earn $36,500 gross per annum. Hitman! Join a union!
The production suffers from the unsatisfactory acoustics of the Blind Whino, turquoise division, which tends to garble and mush up the words. This not only prevents the audience from hearing all the lines, it makes it quite difficult for the actors to deliver any sort of emotional nuance. I believe this to be the venue’s fault, and not the actors’, as I saw another play in the same room and had precisely the same problem. Notwithstanding, MacLeod and Trouve seemed clear, at least from where I sat.
Heartbreak Hitman is a good example of what the Fringe has become in D.C. Rather than explore outsider themes, new theatrical concepts, or challenging or dangerous ideas, our Fringe has become simply a place where a new writer or performer, without a conventional theatrical background, can find a place where her art can be staged. Not that there’s anything wrong with that (see Dracula. A Love Story, Fringe 2014). Heartbreak Hitman is sort of the anti-Fringe: conventional, safe, predictable, and mildly amusing. Just like dating, for most of us.
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Heartbreak Hitman by Leigh Giangreco, who also directed . Featuring Walter Riddle, Jasmine Jones, Will MacLeod, Jeronique Bartley, Katie Kramer, and Margot Trouve . Set design by AbsurdlyWell Stage Services . Light and sound design by Eliot VoelkerAllison Mollenkamp is the stage manager . Music by Cecily and be steadwell; you can find a full playlist, all by D.C. Artists, at “Heartbreak Hitman at Capital Fringe” at Spotify . Presented at Capital Fringe 2018 . Reviewed by Tim Treanor.
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